Inter Sviva Football Tournament

March 27th, 2012

Come and battle it out for ultimate bragging rights in this years Inter-Sviva Football Tournament.

After intense competition last year, names were made, glory gained, egos deflated, and spiritis crushed. See Yediot Season 1 Episode 6 for highlights of what was a fantastic event!

With the coveted trophy up for grabs, can you challenge the current holders Stanmore? Or will you be playing in the wooden spoon final with the Mazkirut?

Sign up below to reserve your place.

Location: PowerLeague, Mill Hill

Time: 14:00 – 18:00

Date: Sunday 26th August

Price: £8 per player (pay on the day)

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Gossip Column

March 13th, 2012

See below for all the rumours coming out of Bnei Akiva that our team of researchers has managed to dig up:

Monday 27th February

Rumour has it that there was a fire ‘prank’, at the London Bayit this afternoon. Some say this was slap bang in the middle of tea time at 4 o’clock, annoying technical director Adam Waters, with others claiming it was earlier, at five to. (TeaTimes)

Apparently the Ford Transit van used on summer machane has been named Percy by Sixt. (MachaneMotoring)

After the birth of a baby daughter, Rav Ilan Goldman has had to move a cot right up to the wall in the children’s bedroom. This now brings the total up to two wall-cots. (Yeladim-Net)

There was disaster at the #ShevetNa’alehShabbaton when a key was momentarily mislaid. Luckily it was found just over half way through the weekend,and everything ended rosily. The event has been labelled by some as #’The Rosey-Key’. (Twitter)

Quote: BA carry the weight of religious zionism on its back. (Harry Sagnar)

Rumours coming out of the Bayit suggest a new campaign to promote Bnei Akiva’s long and proud history. The campaign is being called ‘form is temporary – class is permanent’, in reference to the 73 years Bnei Akiva has been inspiring young minds in the UK. (EveningLimmud)

Tuesday 21st February

Rumours are circultating that Bnei Akiva are planning a secret trip to Israel for a select few people in June. Employees are worried that now the secret is out the office could be inundated with applications from people wanting to attend this discounted trip (‘Ello Alan News)

Some people are saying however that you have to be a pilot (Twitter: abox37)

Rumours are rife about the start time of shacharit this week at Maida Vale for the Na’aleh shabbaton. Some say 8, some say 8.30 with others going for the ludicrous 6.43am. As of yet the chanichim seem unaware to the early rise. (BneiZmaan.org)

After the recent success of Shwekey’s new song on YouTube, our very own Josh Pomerance is thinking of releasing his cover of Kah Ribon. Fans, keep your eyes peeled, or posted. (ChoshuvTunes)

After the release of the ‘Keep Calm and Bnei Akiva’ poster group on Facebook, creator Adam Waters has come under verbal attack, recieving posters in response such as ‘Keep calm and you’re not funny!’ and ‘Keep Calm and get back to work!’ (KeepShteiging)

Tuesday 14th February

A widely anticipated event this evening is sure to be the unveiling of the dress Belinda Epstein will wear at her wedding to Jonny Lipczer. Fashion gurus are suggesting something similar to Kate Windsor’s dress, designed by Sarah Burton, but some are suggesting a more traditional Martin Katz or Rene Strauss design. (Simchas Only)

Second only to that story is what tie and cufflink combo Jonny will go for, some suggesting traditional white tie and diamond cufflinks, with others suggesting a more retro Thomas the Tank Engine design (The Fat Controller)

People all over are being forced to guess what embarrassing stories will be revealed about Alex Cohen in this seasons Yediot. Viewers are transfixed by claims from new Anchors Adam and Camilla about stories to be told, and hysterior has hit Wikileaks level (Ferncroft Times)

The council has announced that it is allowing parking to be done off Finchley Road tonight without a permit, in an unprecedented move believed to be in response to demand to park near an event known only as ‘Ministry of Sound’. Event organiser Ashira Rabinowitz suggested this was all pre-planned, but a huge influx of cars is not expected due to the beverages on offer (Finchley Muse)

Other members of the hanhalla refute this claim, and remind Ashira that it is after all a Jewish event. They are advising people to arrive early to park (Nivchar Gazette)

Monday 13th February

Rumours are circulating that a new episode of Yediot is soon to be released. The big question is ‘who will be the new presenters’ after the high profile axing of stars Adam Waters and Eve Minsky? Names being suggested are Connie Huq, or the more controversial Richard Keys and Andy Gray. (Tnua Observer)

Alternatively, Camilla de Kare-Silver and Adam Cohen are taking over. (Birmingham Schmooze)

Or the Mazkir himself, depending on who you believe. (Various)

The role could however go to Deborah Blank after calls were made for a more ‘regional’ voice. Some claim however that even she is too ‘Londonized’ and the Anchor should instead be Paddy Mcguinness (Manchester Shomer)

Rumours coming from facebook are circulating, suggesting that Bob Diddly Bob has been sacked. (Einayim al Facebook)

Friday 10th February

It appears the curse of the technical director has been lifted… after many years of failure, a (male) technical director is finally getting married. Rumours are rife that this could either break the curse, or pile more misery onto the current afflictees. (Simcha Daily)

Following on from that, in a shock move it has been leaked that at the wedding, (we can now reveal the perason in question is called Benjy) the meal will include schnitzel! One observer, known only as RH, remarked “it’s good news for schnitzel lovers everywhere”. (Manchester Yid)

There will be no tinned mandarins at the wedding (various)

Rumours have been heard of traffic all along the A41. We are told this is not caused by the snow, rather, by hundreds of extra people flocking to Hendon and Borehamwood. Local authorities are baffled. (Mes Transport)

Mazal Tov is in order, we are told, for yet another member of the tnua. Dina Minsky accepted the proposal of Michael Goldberg this week. People are wondering how this will affect her tafkid chances, one source known only under the pseudonym p.o.m. said “married people are what makes Bnei Akiva tick”. (BA Standard)

Thursday 9th February

Rumours are flying about the wine order for Ministry of Sound next week. Grapevine spokesperson Danny Saltman has been coy on the matter, stating “got some great deals”, all eyes are towards the Jeunnesse however, will they pull it out of the bag? (Bogrim Daily)

Shabbatot Ha’irgun are in doubt this week after it emerged Aron Gillis would be putting together all the boxes of tablecloth and plates needed. Many have doubted whether this is a smart move, however with the current injury crisis the Bayit are facing this may be the only solution. Fans are hoping he can pull through and perform above expectations. (The Jerusalem Poshut)

An animal has been spotted loose in Bushey. Residents are being warned to stay inside until such time as the beast (affectionately known as ‘Yak’) has been tranquilised. (Gevald Gazette)

In an unrelated story, chants of ‘feed the yak and he will score’ backfired this week, after it emerged that much loved Boger Yaacov Goldin is in fact a goalkeeper. Statasticians can now begin to understand the alarming rate of own goals at Los Blancos this year. (Cadur Regel Post)

Rumours are circulating that fantastic packs of Israel advocacy briefings were donated by Andrew White to Bnei Akiva, we are told that all one needs to do to get one is ask. (Torani Times)

Wednesday 8th February

Rumours are circulating that Bnei Akiva Mazkir Alex Cohen is a fashion icon. A Bnei Akiva sopkesperson has categorically denied this however, saying “cardigans are great and all that… but the glasses… really?” (BANews)

A Bnei Akiva insider has leaked information of record numbers on this years Israel Machane. Israel worker Aron Gillis would not comment on this, but the gleam in his eye told us all we needed to know (ModerOrth News)

According to sources an anouncement should be made in a matter of weeks about the opening date of summer tafkidim applications. An unnamed boger said “it was leaked at limmud, we’re just waiting for it to be official” (Journal of Zionists)

Edgware Roshim Asher Gavzey and Jaimie Grossman were breathing a sigh of relief this week as a successful shabbat ha’irgun ended with over 300 people attending. Early sources suggest a fantastic shabbat, well organised and extremely fun, with a tochnit that will be remebered for years! (BAssociated Press)

Rumours are circulating about the whereabouts of the Borehamwood tochnit this shabbat. One source suggested it could be Disneyland Florida, although these reports have yet to be confirmed. (Shabbos Times)

News is reaching us that Chinuch Worker Josh Pomerance has lined up a prominent member of the community to write for the new mystics and halacha section of Shabbat Lashem. Names being banded around at this early stage include the likes of Ken Livingston, Mike Freer, David Beckham and controversial figure Aron Gillis. All this reporter is saying is there is no other reason why Thierry Henry would stay this long in England is there…? (Daily Shtark)

Fresh off the press: Technical Director, Adam Waters, has not been working for two weeks. Speculation surrounds his surprise absence from the Bayit these past two weeks. Some say he has found a job at a rival company others are suggesting this is just a cover for a two week holiday. They say he has been in contact with other employees of Bnei Akiva far too often for it to be another job. (News of the Jews)

Are you at the Bnei Akiva Bayit? Have you seen or heard any rumours? Contact camps@bauk.org with all your stories.

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